Our Midlife Lives
by thisisreallystupid
Summary: Previously known as "Dishes" Max and Fang are thrity-something and have four kids. A series of drabbles surrounding the family's life. Disregards everything after "Max".
1. Chapter 1

Hello peoples! Um yeah...this is really random and stupid, and is my pathetic attempt at humor (Don't say I didn't warn you). And I am really tired, so I'd just like to say sorry if something's spelled wrong, or it doesn't make sense. And please no flames.

And just to let you guys know, Max and Fang are like 30ish in this story, and are married.

* * *

"Fang!" Max screeched from within the kitchen.

"What! I'm watching the game!"

"Get your ass in here!" She yelled again.

Groaning, Fang got off the recliner, beer in hand. "What do you want this time Max?" he sighed.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, then motioned to the sink, "Why don't you ever rinse off the dishes when you put them in the sink? I've told you a thousand times to rinse them off!"

"Why bother? We have a freaking dish washer!"

"Yeah, and it sucks! If you don't at least rinse the dish off first food will still be stuck to it when it gets out of the dishwasher and I'll have to wash it again!"

Fang rolled his eyes, "You know what? I'm gonna go back into the living room and watch the game."

"Fang." She warned trailing after him.

He ignored her though, and placed his beer on the coffee table. "Hey honey, can you make me some dinner, I'm hungry."

Max sucked in a breath, trying really hard not to kill him right then and there, "Why? You won't clean up after yourself, and I sure as hell won't. Hell! You don't even use coasters! And they're right there! And now your damned beer is going to leave a ring on my coffee table!"

"Max, stop freaking out! Jeez! It's not even that big of a deal."

She glared at him, "Ok then. You clean up the house for the next week. Then tell me it's not that big of a deal!"

He smirked, "Why should I? Isn't that why you're here?"

"That's it," she said, bringing back her fist, about to punch him in the nose.

But just as she was about to hit him, Fang ducked, so her fist hit the back of the recliner. Then Fang stood up, so that he was right in front of Max, their bodies pressed together. He smirked. Fang wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, smashing his lips against hers. Sighing she wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her. Her hands began running through his dark hair.

Then she just stopped. Max's arms fell limp at her sides, and she stopped kissing him. Fang pulled away slightly, and looked at her questioningly.

Max smirked, "No more 'till you rinse the dishes, and get a coaster for your drink."

He gapped at her, "Seriously? That's no fair!"

She tapped him on the nose, "Never said I was," Then she walked away looking sexy as ever.

"Dammit." He mumbled under his breath as he put a coaster under his beer, and went into the kitchen to rinse the dishes.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok...so this was going to be a one-shot, but I had an idea for another chapter, and the only review I got (so far) asked for me to contine it. So yeah...

And, thank you NoelleLange for thinking that my writing's funny lol.

* * *

Max glanced at the clock on the microwave. "Shit, it's almost three thirty! _They're_ going to be coming in any minute." Shocked, she smacked her hand to her mouth; she couldn't believe she said that out loud! Quickly looking around the kitchen she sighed, thank goodness Fang was downstairs washing the laundry.

Smirking she placed the freshly made chocolate chip cookies that, she'd just bought from the bakery, onto the plate. Max couldn't help but laugh to herself, the kids still thought that she made them herself.

She sighed, _the kids._ It wasn't like she hated them or anything, in fact she'd rather die than have any of them be hurt. But damn! They could be so freaking annoying sometimes.

Just then Matt who was just five came in. Dropping his books on the counter he grabbed a cookie. Then seven year old Danny came in, seeing the cookies she quickly snatched one off the plate also. Nine year old Kyle came in next, her hair coming out of her ponytail. Finally eleven year old Alex came in, seeing the cookies she grabbed the milk out of the fridge, and came over.

Max sat back, smiling as her kids stuffed they're faces with chocolate chip cookies and milk. But then Kyle had to just ruin the moment.

"Uh…mom?" Kyle asked, looking at something hidden behind the three other kids.

"Yeah, sweety," Max smiled.

"What's this?" she held up the box from the bakery, with the receipt tapped to the top.

_Shit! I forgot to throw the damned box away!_ Max thought, quickly trying to come up with an answer. "Uh…nothing honey. I just went to the bakery to get some… uh…"

"The receipt says you bought chocolate chip cookies, today at like two!" Alex said butting in.

"You said you made the cookies!" Danny pouted.

"Yeah, and that you put love in every one!" Matt said, his bottom lip trembling.

Max sighed, she might as well come out of the cookie making closet now, "Honey, I didn't say that. I said that I put love in every cookie…not that I made them."

Her kids looked at her blankly. Then finally Alex said, "Seriously mom?"

Before she could answer, Kyle interrupted, "I don't know about you guys but I don't care. These cookies are amazing, and I'm gonna eat them anyway." Then she took the plate of cookies, and went into the other room.

The other kids watched as she left, then slowly one by one, they went and followed their sister out of the room.

Danny was the last to leave. She looked at her mom and shrugged, "Well they are good."

Max stared after them for a moment. Then she realized they took the plate. "Shit, they took all of them," she took off after her kids, determined to get a cookie before those pigs ate all of them.


	3. Chapter 3

lol so here's chapter three! Yay! Well, I came up with the idea for this chapter when me and my friends were talking about why girls usually play softball, and yea... And sorry if the grammar/spelling isn't perfect cause today's been crazy, and I'm just kind of out of it right now, lol.

Anyway, please read it and tell me what ya think! If you do I'll love you foreverz!

* * *

Fang and Matt were tossing a baseball back and forth. Matt didn't really like baseball, but he didn't want to disappoint his dad. After awhile, Fang tossed it too far, causing Matt to back up so he could catch it. He watched as Matt, backed up, tripping over a root.

"Uhg!" Matt yelled, falling onto his butt.

Fang rushed forward to the aid of his five year old son. "You ok?"

Matt nodded, as Fang pulled him up onto his feet. "Yeah… Can I go inside now dad? I don't want to play baseball."

He frowned, "Oh, well how about soccer? Signups are in a couple of weeks!"

Matt sighed exasperated, "No, dad! I don't like baseball and hockey, soccer, and football are the girls' sports!"

Fang tried to hide his disappointment. All he wanted was for his only son to play some sort of sport. But nooooo, he had to get an unathletic, video game loving son! He forced a smile, "Well, what sport do you wanna play?"

He thought for a second, "Um….how about ballet! That sounds fun!"

Fangs eyes widened in disbelief. "Seriously? Alex plays hockey, Kyle plays football, and Danny plays soccer! And they're girls!"

"Guys do ballet!" he frowned.

Fang clenched his teeth, "You cannot do ballet!"

He crossed his arms and smirked, he knew someone who always beat his dad in arguments. "MOM!" he yelled.

Max came running out of the house. "What the hell do you guys want? I was watching my soap operas! If I miss anything important I'm gonna be pissed!"

Fang's eyes widened, he knew what that sneaky bastard was trying to do. "Nothing honey, we were just discussing sports."

She rolled her eyes, ignoring him. "What do you need Matt?"

"Dad is trying to tell me what sport to play!" he stomped his foot.

Max sighed, "I'm missing my soaps for this? Fang, he can play whatever sport he wants, I don't care what you say."

Fang gapped at her, "But it's not even a sport! It's freaking ballet!"

She raised her eyebrows, then laughed, "Well if he wants to do ballet, he can, it's his choice."

"But…But…but…" he stammered.

She frowned, "Fang, you can't tell him he can't do freaking ballet if he wants to! You didn't say the girls couldn't play guy sports."

"That's different!"

Ignoring him, she turned to Matt, "After my soaps are over, I'll go online, and search for some dance studios, ok sweetie."

Matt nodded enthusiastically, "Ok mom! I'm gonna go inside and tell the girls!"

Max smiled, watching him bound up the porch stairs into the house. Then she turned to Fang, "I do not care what you say, he can play whatever sport he wants. Now if you want to play 'ball' or whatever it's called, just get one of the girls! And leave Matt alone about this."

He sighed defeated, "Fine…"


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys! I know it's been forever, and I'm so sorry! And if I were you I'd really hate me right now. But a lot of things have been going on this summer...And I've also been pretty much brain dead all summer!

I'll try to update somewhat regularly, but with school starting next Wednesday, and guard practices start that Thursday, I'm not going to make any promises.

Again I'm sorry, and please Read and Review

Disclaimer- I don't own Maximum Ride

* * *

Max sat on the edge of the bed, eyeing the pile of dirty clothes Fang had left on the floor. Why didn't he ever put them in the hamper? It wasn't as if it was that hard, all he had to do was take the lid off, and throw his clothes into it.

She turned around to face Fang, who was sitting up, looking at something on his laptop. "Why don't you ever put your dirty clothes in the hamper?" She asked.

Turning to face her, he raised his eyebrows, "Why are you letting our son take ballet lessons?"

"Because he wants to, and that's not the issue here. The issue is the fact that you can't seem to be able to place your clothes into a damned hamper." Max glared at him.

"Well, maybe I don't _want_ to put my clothes in to the damned hamper, maybe I like it better where they're at now."

"You can't just leave them laying around on the floor! The entire room will become a mess, and I'll have to be the one to clean it up!" She narrowed her eyes.

"Well, maybe while you're cleaning, I can teach my son that boys do not do ballet!"

"Don't you dare tell Matt that he can't do ballet! He can do whatever sport he wants! And you will not stop him!"

"Max! I do not want my son doing ballet!"

"He can do whatever sport he wants Fang."

Smirking he rolled over, so that he was sitting on top of Max. "Oh, really now?" He whispered into her ear.

Rolling her eyes, Max pulled his lips to hers. When he started to pull her shirt up, Max pushed him away. At his confused and hungry expression she smirked, "Not until you put the clothes into the hamper, and admit that Matt is allowed to do any sport he wants. Even if he ends up being a ballet-figure skating- cheerleader."

Fang glared at her for several minutes until he finally broke. "Fine, he can do…_ballet_…" Then he stood up and started to put the dirty clothes into the hamper.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys, long time no see, huh? I'm so sorry it's been so long. I've been busy with freshmen year, guard, and well, life. I just finished this, and I wanted to post it right away, so I apologize in advance for any grammar/spelling errors.

I make no guarantees on updating super soon, (hehe that's an amazing alliteration) but I will try to update in a reasonable amount of time.

I would like to thank everyone who's commented, favorited, and has signed up for alerts. I love you all.

And as always, please Read and Review.

* * *

Max stared at the kitchen ceiling, trying extremely hard not to hit her head against the wall. She forced herself to answer him at least semi politely. "Ok, Mr. Thompson, thank you, goodbye." Sighing she hung up the phone. After a moment she yelled for her oldest daughter, "Alex Ella Maria Nicole Ride! Get your butt in here now!"

After a few minutes Alex came into the kitchen. She had just been flying with her siblings and looked confused at being forced to come in, "Yeah mom?"

"That was a call from your teacher." She massaged her temples, wondering why God decided to _bless_ her with such stubborn and slightly annoying children. _Oh that's right,_ she thought annoyed, _because I'm the same way._

But instead of looked abashed like Max would've liked her to, Alex snorted, "Oh, _I_ know what that's about." She smiled defiantly at her mother's expression.

_Why did Alex have to end up more stubborn then both me and Fang combined? _Max thought looking at the ceiling. Taking a deep breath, she looked back at her daughter, "Alex, your teacher was concerned about you word choice in describing your father's and mine's relationship."

She shrugged, still smiling, "Oh, I know. He had a 'talk' with me in the hall about it."

"Alex –" Max began, but she was cut off.

"But it's the truth! Dad's totally whipped! The only reason Mr. Thompson even called me was cause he hates me and is a old, weirdo stuck in the 50's!" She crossed her arms.

"I know Alex! And I'm not mad at you about that."

She frowned if her mom wasn't mad at her, then why'd she have to be in there, "Then why'd you call me in here?"

Max sighed, "Because, you can't tell people that your dad's completely whipped! Your dad likes to pretend that he's not, and if he finds out that people are saying he is, he's going to be all butt hurt about it."

Alex bit her lip, confused, "Yeah, but everybody already knows he's whipped, Uncle Iggy's even made status updates about it."

She put her hand on her daughter's shoulder, "Yeah, but you dad didn't know it was about him. That makes all the difference."

"So as long as he doesn't realize it's him we're saying is completely whipped, it's ok?" She scrunched up her nose, deep in thought.

"Exactly sweetheart," She replied just as Fang walked into the kitchen. "Oh, you guys talking about how Iggy's whipped, and doesn't realize it?"

Max shared a look with Alex, then smiled at her husband, "Yes, Fang, that's exactly what we were talking about."


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! I know it's been forever, and I'm really sorry! I could try to justify my actions but, I don't really think you guys want to read through it! But if you do, then look on my profile, I've put something there.

Also, I'd like you all to know that I am working on "You'll Never Break Me" but no guarantees.

As is custom, I humbly ask thee to Read and Review!

Disclaimer- as far as I know, I own nothing.

* * *

Max eyed the perfectly cooked brownies Ella pulled from the oven. She couldn't help but glare, how come Ella could cook and she couldn't. "How the hell do you do that?"

Ella couldn't help but giggle, "Its cause the oven likes me more then you."

She pouted, "But that's not fair! I freaking paid for it!"

Before she could reply, Fang and Iggy came in, followed by the rest of the kids. "Actually, _I_ was the one who paid for the stove…You paid for the dishwasher."

"Hey, mom, can we have some you're brownies?" Violet attempted to ask, but she was completely ignored by Ella, as well as all the other adults.

Max scowled, "Yeah, speaking of which, _you_ didn't rinse of the dishes again last night!"

"You know, Max, rinsing off the dishes before putting them in a dishwasher isn't that big of a deal." Iggy said as he leaned in to kiss Ella.

Ella shook her head, and lightly pushed him away, "Actually, Iggy, it is a big deal. It's disgusting when you don't rinse dishes off beforehand, because then food gets stuck in the dishwasher and that's just gross."

Jumping in at that point, Max shouted, "Ha! Someone agrees with me!"

"Well someone agrees with me!" Fang replied.

Ella smacked her hand on the counter, "That doesn't make you right!"

As the adults formed into a bickering mob, the kids exchanged looks, and silently backed out of the kitchen.

Once they were outside, Kyle looked around at the group, and then back towards the kitchen, "You guys know we left the brownies in their right?"

They all froze, who was going to risk going in there to get them? Suddenly Violet brought her finger up to her nose, "Nose goes!"

There was a moment of silence before a chorus of "Nose goes!" rang out, and they all looked around to see who was last.

"N – crap!" Danny said as she noticed that everyone had beaten her. She scowled as she turned to go inside, "I hate you all."


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys! This isn't my favorite chapter... But hopefully you guys like it! Anyway, I'm not much of a football fan (ok not at all, I'm more of a baseball girl). And I actually had to look up a few of these teams lol. And I do realize some of these aren't the best...

Anyway! I love you all, and I'd love you even more if you'd please Read and Review!

Disclaimer- As far as I know I don't own this.

* * *

Max looked around the room nervously. The family (minus her mom who was on a cruise, and Total who was in some closet in a house.) was gathered in the living room, with the adults all chatting, and the kids playing some stupid bored game. She didn't know why she was nervous; it wasn't like she hadn't done it before. Deciding that she'd better get it done with while everyone was still calm, she tried to get Fang's attention. Unfortunately he was having a heated discussion with Iggy and Gazzy over which football team was best.

"You are so retarded! The Rams and Colts suck! The Vikings are so much better!" Iggy practically shouted, his face turning red.

"No way! The Vikings are the worst team in the league!...second to the Colts." Fang said, taking a swig of his beer.

"Come on! The colts aren't that bad…they just need a little work. Besides when's the last time the Rams won the Super Bowl?" Gazzy said through a mouth full of chips, even though they just had dinner.

"Yeah, when was the last time, huh Fang?" Iggy added.

"When have the Vikings ever won the Super bowl?" Fang smirked as Iggy's face went red.

Suddenly Wally, Gazzy and Nudge's oldest son, spoke up, "I kinda like the Giants."

Before either of the adults could reply, Matt butt in, "The Cowboys are so much better than the Giants!"

"You're an idiot. Right Oliver?" Wally turned towards his youngest sibling for support.

Oliver grimaced, "Actually, I like the Patriots."

Both boys looked at him in shock, "What?"

He shrugged, but before he could answer Fang laughed, "They must've gotten their bad choices in teams from you guys. Those teams suck!"

"At least our boys don't do ballet." Iggy pointed out.

Practically throwing his drink onto the table Fang stood up, "Don't you dare say a damn word 'bout that, if he wants do ballet he can! Besides, at least his team has hot cheerleaders."

Max exchanged glances with Ella and Nudge before ending the stupid argument by practically screaming, "Shut up already! They all suck!"

She wanted to smirk, as all the guys' mouths dropped open. Before they had a chance to retaliate, she went on, "Now, I'd like to make an announcement." Pausing for dramatic effect, she continued, "I'm pregnant."

There was a moment of silence, until it was broken by a loud snort. "Another one, seriously? You guys sure there's no rabbit DNA mixed in there any where?" Helena, Gazzy and Nudge's middle child, asked.

"Yeah, Max, what's this one going to be, your eleventh?" Gazzy asked, trying to count on his fingers how many they already had.

She really wanted to flip him off, "No, we only have four kids."

He waved his hand, "I was close enough."

Nudge interrupted them, speaking in a rush, "I think it's great! Have you found out what it is yet? I really hope you have a boy! But if you have a girl please don't give her like a hundred names like the other girls."

Choosing to ignore the second part, Max replied, "No we haven't found out ye–"

But she was interrupted by Fang, "Hey, I like their names! That's why I gave it to them! And besides, at least ours aren't named after comic book characters!"

While the adults dissolved into a bickering mob, Alex sighed, "Let's go downstairs and watch a movie or something." Nodding all the kids got up to head into the basement.

As they were walking down the stairs, Violet frowned, "You're parents don't actually have rabbit DNA do they?"

Alex, Kyle, Danny, and Matt all paused to think about it. They honestly weren't sure.

* * *

I don't usually put these things at the end but, I'd like to give ya'll a little challenge...

If you can guess which one of the teams is my local one, and/or tell me which comic book characters the kids are named after I'll give you a shout out in the next chapter!


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